The Wall

May 22, 2008

i used to have a tough time believing this one.. “things happen for a reason”.

i used to think, “why me?” when the times were tough.  i felt like i was a good person with a big heart that deserved better.  but now i understand.  it’s not the fun or easy times that cause you to grow as a person.  it’s the tough times.. the obstacles. the difficulties.. the pain.. the sorrow.  those are the times that test you and in the end, teach you a valuable lesson.

i’ve had people come into my life recently out of the blue.  really amazing people that i don’t think existed in this city.  but i was lucky!  or maybe it was an act of God?  things happen for a reason.. now i’m starting to believe it.

things are coming together finally for the first time.  i’m learning to let go of the past.. forgive others for their mistakes and move on with my life.  holding onto pain and anger has done so little for me except slow me down.  i’ve had a rage inside of me the past few months.. times where i felt like everyone had let me down.. times when i asked God “why?”.  i wanted to unleash on those who had hurt me.  i trained every day at the gym and hit the bag in preparation for this.  every rep and every punch was how i unloaded the anger.. i felt like nothing would be normal until i had justice.. retribution.. payback. 

a friend talked to me recently.  asked me what was the deal with holding onto hate and anger. he asked what good it would do for my life and if it was helping me achieve my goals.  i could see that it wasn’t.  i should train to fight for sport, its something i enjoy and want to be great at… i shouldn’t train in preparation to get someone back.. i should never hurt someone.. only fight in self-defense. 

i worked out at the gym today..thought about bettering myself and not getting back at the people that hurt me.  for some reason, this motivation pushed me even harder and made me feel better about myself!

when i hit the bag for now on.. i’m not hitting my past enemies.. i’m hitting to knock the stress and drama out of my life!!!  i’m doing away with the negative thoughts and not letting it slow me down anymore.  i’ve got a lot to look forward to!  i feel stronger than i ever have before physically, mentally, and i’m getting there spiritually.  thanks to the help of a new friend

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May 26, 2008

in life, we seem to encounter the same obstacles and why is it that we make the same mistakes? the past seems to repeat itself and we ask ourselves, “why didn’t i learn the first time?” or the second, or the third, and so on. it’s not that we’re dumb.. its just that we aren’t looking deep enough inside to figure out what really makes us do things.. control the choices we make.. i’m trying hard to really get to know myself for the first time.. to ask myself the questions that will give me the true answers behind my actions..
on the outside, i seem in control, positive, a great motivator in life..
on the inside, i’m confused, frustrated, a bit unhappy or unsatisfied with my life..

but why do i feel this way? why do i fight against what i want? its like i know what i want in life and who i want to be, but there is a part of me that’s keeping me from getting there.

i’m my own worst enemy. and i must figure out what made me into who i am now and how i can get rid of my demons and truly find the inner me and help him out. i don’t mean demons as in i have these huge problems in life. i’m not messed up mentally or have any real major issues. but the internal struggles that i have are serious enough for me to really take notice of.

i know i was meant for great things. i want to have a big impact on this world. i want to help others out. but before i can be who i was meant to be, i must solve the problem of holding myself back. i must beat my inner demon.

and it starts now.

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June 1st, 2008

Going to test myself this month. Eliminating two big temptations in my life for the next 30 days. Sticking to my new mantra, “SELF DISCIPLINE”.

For all of those who have believed in me and supported me, I say “THANK YOU” from the bottom of my heart. I’m about to become the man I was destined to be.

Get ready for a wild ride.. my strength grows everyday and I’m ready to take this world by STORM!!!

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June 10th, 2008

Had a great talk with a friend today.  He helped me understand that until I let go of the past, I would never be capable of reaching my goals in the future.  True happiness comes from within.  I’m starting to finally learn what it means to love oneself. I’ve had doubts about myself and have felt inferior for so long.. always needing someone else to tell me that I was good enough.. I have everything going well in my life.. I should be thankful for what I’ve been blessed with..

I’m starting to smile more and more everyday.. my confidence is growing by leaps and bounds.. I truly feel more powerful than I ever have in my entire life! and I’m only 10% there.. I can’t wait until the end of the year to see how far I’ve progressed..  until then..

Keep the Faith

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July 3rd, 2008

“the machine needs a break”

well, i’ve been burning the candle at both ends and in the middle these days (i made up that saying by the way! lol).  i can’t seem to stop working and i have a hard time sleeping because of it.  i almost wish i didn’t have to sleep. sometime wish i could duplicate myself and have five copies running around and doing things.  it’s tough when you operate your own business and are the only real expert at your chosen field.  not a lot of people understanding marketing and engineering and can be creative at the same time.  i have some good people working for me and they’re doing their best. its just hard to teach people how to do things that took me years and years to learn. 

fortunately things have been working out well for me lately.  its like whenever a tough obstacle comes in my way, something else comes along to help me smash it!  in short time, i’m going to get the funding i need to build this business properly and quickly.  there is virtually no roof on this endeavor and i believe that i can make a difference in the world once i’ve accomplished these goals and have taken care of my family for life.  i’ve put off my smarts for too long due to distractions here in sin city.  all my life i’ve known that i was destined for something great.  but being around the wrong people only caused me to run around in a circle and go nowhere.  nowdays i’m a networking machine and i’m creating alliances with the right people.  i can do no wrong     actually i can.. kinda stayed out too late last weekend and ended up sleeping in a whole day to make up for it.  that’s a big deal to me these days.  in the past, going out and sleeping in the next day was the norm.  i was convinced by those around me that it was okay to do that.  well it is okay if you’re a person with low self esteem and no goals.. and all you want to do is waste life until the day you die..

but i don’t.  i’m better than that.  so when i waste even ONE DAY, it bothers me. i like feeling in control, being in charge, making things happen..

so i let one day slip..  now i’m even more turbocharged to get back on track!  can’t wait to see what i make happen in the next 7 days

KEEP IT REAL

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July 20th, 2008

“things ALWAYS happen for a reason”

I used to wonder if this was true.  Things always happening for a reason.  But I’m becoming such a great believer in it these days and I’m happier now than I’ve ever been.  Even when small setbacks happen, they just seem to reinforce more strength in me to live a better life.  I see obstacles as challenges put in front of me by God, as a way of testing me to see if I do the right thing.  I won’t succumb to the devil and his influences.  I no longer allow myself to be around a pack of wolves.  I fly with the eagles and I see the truth in people.  And I’m so happy that I have this clear vision because it will allow me to grow and succeed in the way I was meant to.

I know my value.  I know my heart and how I was raised.  I’m very lucky to be the kind of person I am today.  People genuinely like me and trust me for who I am.  I don’t have to pretend or play any games.  And I don’t care about impressing people who aren’t worth my time.  If you’re a good person, than that’s all that matters.  And if you’re some ignorant little pig who only cares about what other people think and acts the fool in doing so, than you need to get to stepping.  Because that’s truly sad. And it was a mistake I had made in the past in allowing myself to be around such people.  You’re only as good as the people you surround yourself with.  And now my network is solid.  Each and every day I grow stronger.  I act with “chal gi chul jeh”.  Only I can slow myself down now.  And I refuse to let that happen.

And I have no regrets.  I used to hate my past mistakes.  But now I see that I was meant to go through these experiences to be who I am today.  I am so very lucky to be in the position that I am now.  I am truly able to help my family and friends for the first time.  I believe in my team and I will do all that I can to uplift us and take us to the 10th level.  This is an empire being built on trust, honesty, faith and friendship.

I have nothing to prove to the world.  I do this for me.  For what I believe in. I know who I am.  And that is all that matters.
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July 27th, 2008

“blogging for therapy”

So I’m starting to like this blogging thing.  I find this to be very therapeutic in a way.  Getting my thoughts out in writing.  I guess its because it gives me a chance to look back at my life and my thoughts at the time. Helps to keep me focused.  Reminds me of past mistakes and what I’ve done to change my life. 

For example, last night I went out with some friends and did some networking.  Yes I said networking.  It’s pretty much the only real reason I’ll go out now.  Other than for a special (and it has to be really special) occasion.  I’m just done with wasting time and going out for the sake of going out .  It’s just wasting time.  It’s not like I ever come home from going out and say to myself “thank God I got wasted and stayed up late! Now I get to feel like shit and fall further back in work! Yaaaayyy!”

So going out is no longer worth it for me.  Unless I’m networking and establishing future business relationships, it’s just interfering with my goals. I was out pretty late last night but I’m happy that I avoided going out any later like I used to back in the day.  I’m starting to know my limits and when to say when and that feels great.  All I seem to find is drama when I hang out late.  None of the people I encounter at that time are people that I want to be like.  And it’s a very selfish crowd in which people only care about themselves and using others to make themselves feel good.  A real shallow way of being.  The only time I have fun at that late hour is if I’m with a group of people that I’m true friends with or have a positive business relationship with.

Enough said.  I love my new life!  I can’t wait to see what the next day brings.  I don’t know if anyone reads my blogs and if no one did, that would be fine because this is for myself really.  But if someone reads this and I’ve made a positive impact in their life, than it definately was worth my time to write this out!

I’m done. Gonna watch “Family Jewels” and snack on some crockpot now
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August 8th, 2008

“another landmark”

So my birthday has past and what a blast it was!  Threw a big party at Caramel and over 50 people showed up.. we took over the place!  Then we ended it at a penthouse JB and I rented and threw a combo bday/company party there.. more pics coming soon

Yeah, it was fun, I let loose and drank and stayed out late.. something I don’t like doing anymore but for my bday/company party, I gotta go crazy for that!  So many friends and co-workers showed up and all were awesome and fun to party with.. no haters, no drama.. the perfect night!

Even ended nice.. I didn’t expect to be at the Rhino and so late on top of that.. but it was with my close buds and they wanted to see the fun keep going.. they got me drinks, dances.. thanks guys!  and a friend gave me some good news too.. a certain someone told him to tell me that there were no hard feelings and they were sorry they couldn’t wish me a happy bday..  I understand and I was happy to hear it.. I don’t have hard feelings either, there’s no ill will.  I still care about that person and feel bad that they’re in the situation they’re in, but it’s no longer something i can be involved in..  I can only pray that things work out for them and life gets better.

so it was a great night.. Ashly took great care of me and my buds at the club.. got me an awesome gift and also got a cake for JB and I!  My boy Juan got me a gift card at my fav shopping spot, Walmart! its 24/7 so i’m there a lot

bday cards, a custom designed shirt by 4U2NV, it goes on and on.  I just appreciate all of the love and support of my friends.. you all really made me feel special on my bday that night

and oh, I can’t forget to mention Jen who is resting and recovering all the way in Japan gave me some great gifts.. thank you for the awesome bundt cakes!  The fellas and I were snacking on them during our videoshoot last Wednesday.  We all wish you well and can’t wait for you to get better and make it back to the states.  When you and your friends are in Vegas, we’re taking you all out!

so that’s about it for my birthday.  Now it’s back to MW and my mission to making the best out of my life.  I’ve got some BIG GOALS and I gotta keep moving full speed if I’m going to accomplish them soon. 

until next time..
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September 18th, 2008

“burning the candle at both ends”

So okay, what’s up world?  Been over a month since I last gave a shout out.  So much has happened during this time.  I landed a new gig that allows me to dance again and show off my creativity and skills on stage.  A new challenge that I’m out to conquer!  My company is rolling along great.. got a great staff and my team is making progress steadily.  I’m pretty burnt out though as I don’t have a life other than work and workout.  I’m in my best shape physically and my company is poised for fast growth this winter.  But through it all, I feel a bit burnt out.  I need to have more fun.  I definately need a vacation as it’s been over eight years since I last was on one.  And that vacation was to Vegas (bleh!).  So I don’t count that trip since I live here now

I’ve met some quality people in my life and have options like never before.  But I’m taking my time this time around and not rushing into things.  I don’t like being alone but I’m good with it now as I don’t have time to even notice.  My company and my family are my 1 priority and it will stay that way for years to come.  My team is like my family and I want to do everything that I can to help them all be successful and reach their goals.  The way I was treated by the last company I worked for taught me a lot.. about what not to do and how not to treat people!

I believe in doing the right thing and treating people with respect and helping others.  If you meet me halfway, I guarantee I’ll more than cover the distance and help you achieve your goals.  Together as a team we can grow stronger and become an unstoppable force.

Anyways, blah blah blah, whatever.. it’s 3:30am and here I am blogging when my ass should be in bed!  Another long day tomorrow, what else is new..  I hope all of my fans understand that this is why I can hardly write back to your emails.. I barely have time to surf the web for fun so I’ll blog once in a while to keep you all in touch with what’s up in Steve Kim’s world.  If you’re in Vegas next week, join Muscle Worldwide as we host a party next Friday for the Olympia.  Also check me out as I compete at Musclemania/Model America in November at the Golden Nugget.  This time, no excuses, I have no distractions and I’m more focused and disciplined than ever!

It feels great to have gotten rid of all the bad distractions and people who were dragging me down.  I had to close that chapter of my life and start a new one.  And I’ve been blessed to find amazing people to fill this chapter this time around.

I wish all you of great success and happiness and hope you find a calling in this world as I have.  It’s the best feeling in the world and the reason I can smile the way I do these days

with love…
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October 8th, 2008

“know your triggers”

Okay, so I’m learning something new every day.  It took me a while to truly realize what makes me tick and do certain things.  I must have said it a thousand times, “I’m gonna take a break from drinking and going out”.. only to find myself at the after hours club until 6am (or later!).  why would I be all gung-ho healthy and productive in the day only to wind up somewhere opposite the next?
I know better than to say that the solution is to just QUIT the habit.  Now its better to say “I know what triggers me to behave this way and I’m going to avoid those triggers and stay focused on my goals”.
What that means is to not answer the phone sometimes or just turn the damn thing off.  It means to hang around people who are waking up early the next day to go to the gym or do something productive.  It means to avoid the people who are going on a downward spiral and joining them on a losing ride.  I don’t mean to condemn anyone I’ve hung out with in the past.  When we did, it was great, a lot of fun, tons of cool memories.  But in the end, it hasn’t helped me but more or less hurt me in my health and my overall happiness.  I’m not happy when I’m hung over.  I’m not happy when I wake up late and failed to take care of my responsibilities.  I’m not happy when I’m coming down from partying and suddenly it sucks to be alone.  I’m happy when I’m sober and with good friends.  I’m happy when my house is clean and I’m playing with my dogs.  I’m happy when my company is doing well and I’m writing big checks for my employees.  I’m happy just living a normal day life I guess. 
It’s not that going out is bad, but it has its time and place.  That’s why I enjoy throwing my company parties once a month.  It’s where I get to gather around my friends and colleagues and throw down big time and really let loose.  And I enjoy it so much because I truly deserve that time to party.

So blah blah blah, chaka khan chaka khan.. enough chatter.. 4am!  time to hit el sacko and until next time..
KNOW YOUR TRIGGERS!!!

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November 11th, 2008

“it’s good to go home alone”

So what to talk about now.. well.. a good friend of mine came to Vegas and I decided to go out with him a couple days ago since I hadn’t seen the guy in a long time.  We went to Prive with his buddy and a girl.  It was fun hanging and having some drinks but I slowly got bored of the scene.  I tried to get myself to have fun since I didn’t want to seem the party pooper and I happily downed shot after shot.. after a while I finally got buzzed and started to feel the music and felt like dancing.. only problem was my buddy and his friend were more interested in taking the girl home with them.  I know what its like to crave attention and to want a girl to come home with you, but if it’s just to better your self esteem, it just isn’t worth it.  This girl was all over the place and told me she was interested in some other guy.  And my buddy and his friend weren’t having it. So drama took place and I started wondering why I had bothered to go out in the first place.

Here’s my advice to any guy who goes out:  Do not set rules that prevent you from having a good time, i.e. you must get laid in order to have a happy ending to the night. When I go out, it’s to experience the nightlife and hear the music and move my body to the beat and have a good time.  If I see a pretty girl, sure I’m interested.  But if I can tell already that she’s just another hoochie, than I’d rather pass.  Plenty of fish in the sea!  Why settle for less just because you have to get some?  But my buddies seem to get wrapped up in the whole business of having to have sex in order to feel fulfilled.  I feel sorry for them as this causes them to have a disappointed night most of the time.