The Wall

Be patient Steve, I am sure you will find Mrs. Right oneday

You’ll find Mrs. Right Steve, I don’t see how you couldn’t… And your standards are not too high, you just now know what you want. Which is a rare thing.

I just wish I could find my Mr… and new friends… True colors are coming out all around me right now and it just makes me sad knowing how loyal I really am and how much I am taken for granted for my friendship. And now that the newer me – I am not saying I’ve completely changed since I am still finding myself and exploring me, taking each day one day at a time, but with my new assertiveness and confidence within myself, I’ve seen HUGE changes in people I never thought were there. My Best Friend even. I am done being the lap dog.

Perhaps I’ll never find Mr., but I do hope I get to find more friends I can call true and like me who would give whatever it took to help or just put a smile on their face… have a good time hanging out…

Again Steve, thanks, you are always able to put a smile on my face and inspire new motivation within me when you blog. Again, I wish there was a way I could help you out.

I am hoping to Move out to Vegas soon. A fresh start, clean slate, somewhere where I don’t feel stuck. Perhaps when I get settled I can convince you to hang and go to that great Sushi place I blogged about, Eric the chef is the best! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26f-V-ObAz0&feature=channel_page
I think it is called Haoikudu? no.., that doesn’t look right, ugh.. It is on the West side somewhere near a new strip mall. Anyway – I am heading out there again end of April for a two day trip to visit my friend then off to LA for a drive up the coast. Adventure awaits, I just hope I don’t get lost… HA!

Peach Love and Happiness to you too Steve!

hmm… it’s always hard trying to find that special someone who can be THE one, but you will one day.. Till then, I agree.. never settle for something, or someone, that you’re not completely happy with. If you’re willing to put that much effort into presenting yourself in such a manner, then you deserve nothing but the same back.
??? ??? ?????…

nicely stated, Steve.

Albert Ellis quotes,
“The art of love… is largely the art of persistence.”

Don’t give up on love,whether you have been hurt, played, or lied to. Although it’s hard to give yourself to someone and get your heart walked all over, it’s all that much worth it when you find that special someone. In the job that you are in, it is difficult to find love because most of those women have alterior motives. Whether it be showing you off to their girls, wanting your money, or simply another notch on their belts, most of those women all have alterior motives. But trust and have faith that not all women are like that. One day, when you least expect it, a woman is going to walk in your life and take your breathe away. She will be everything you ever wanted and more. She will be what you deserve. Don’t ever think that you are being too picky, simply remember to stay as humble as you say you are, and not be too quick to judge either. Remember that you are in a career that most women find intimidating, this in turn makes them not trust you either. And although in some of your writings you say that a woman who is with you can’t be jealous, that is still alot to ask for from a woman. So although I am no relationship expert, my advice is to stay open-minded,humble, and give a woman a chance to get used to your lifestyle and realize that you are a man that doesn’t just want to get laid, that there is so much more that you can offer her, and with this you will see that she when she walks into your life, she will be there for you unconditionally. You are an not just a “hot guy”, but an intelligent, motivated, inspirational man who deserves all the happiness in life. I wish you the best of luck.

you’re right, it always happens when you least expect it. so don’t expect it! live life to its fullest and be happy with the blessings you got in life. love is a mystery.. don’t try to solve it.. just enjoy the ride when it happens and don’t be surprised by the bumps along the way.. just my random two cents thanks everyone for the great feedback.. who needs dr phil when i got all of you!

geez babe pretty harsh! sad but true i guess!!!

Well to start, I too have the same exact view point as you, as I feel the small percentage of “INDIVIDUALS” that literally possess the gift to have an “UNIQUE IDENTITY” are far and between in Vegas. I feel I possess an imposing persona and stately air around me(or so I’ve been told). I have a well developed frame, natural sex appeal, blah, blah, blah… warm eyes, 5’7 and a warm smile. My stature is full and I look majestic and dignified(hobbies include singing, writing and acting just to name a few… Indie films are my favorite). I am very warm, cuddly and playful, yet boldly protective of everyone and everything dear to me. I have a never-ending need to shine like the Sun, and so take plenty of time to make myself look good, inside and out… Not to feed my vanity, but to be the best I can be for those who depend on me.
I make strives to be a model of self-esteem, strength and confidence. I love kids, playing, acting, all sorts of games, animals, nature….hell, I love all the world… And in doing so – I love myself.

Given this, the person who partners with me can expect warmth, loyalty, support, generosity, and undying devotion. In my heart, love is a dramatic ideal. While having no challenges attracting many men and women alike, I am often disappointed(sad) My standards are just that, “My Standards” and I refuse to settle. I have concluded, many have little to no substance and have what I like to call, a severe case of having an “Identity Crisis” or lack of self confidence.

I feel you are an ebullient person, as the wish of even being able to at least match wits with someone to have a decent conversation with… someone of such character as yourself, for example… is now a challenge.

Take Care

hey steve its elva, do u remember me? Im the korean and mexican girl….u played me some techno hahaha I had so much fun with you that night. It will be in my memories^^

I am very impressed that the guy with such kind a job think so different from others! Good luck! I am sure there is some wonderful person, who is going to impress you one day!

Hey Steve,

I am actually pretty discouraged from working in Vegas after reading your post. Originally I looked up the Chippendale’s website as a joke for one of my more reserved friends as we are planning on visiting for our 21st birthday’s. We are both science/engineering majors and so you caught our attention (we’re usually the nerdy ones in glasses!) I’m currently entertaining in SD to put myself through school (pretty cliche) and thought it would be cool to make some extra money by working there on the weekends. I’ve heard its pretty superficial there and I would never dream of getting involved with people I dance for…but after reading this I feel like it wouldn’t be worth it to get that bitter about people. I’m not super jaded yet as the club I’m working is tame and I make decent money and still have time for studying and friends. Is everyone in Vegas stupid and drugged up all the time?

I don’t have as much experience as you with all the superficial groupie types since I’m just a college kid with no fan base but I think you are right when you say you don’t think you’ll find Mrs. Right in Vegas. Personally, I wouldn’t date anyone I dance for just out of principle…yes it’s a sexy environment…but how would you explain meeting your life partner in a strip club to your parents? It would be an intensely awkward conversation. So much lying goes on in clubs I feel it’s often an enhanced version of dating. Speed dating on crack and then instant gratification because the girl will be all over you if you have money. I always find it hilarious when a guy comes back for years with flowers convinced that the girl he gets dances from is in love with him…she’s PAID to like you dude…get a grip! Anyways I hope you have enough saved up to retire or go back to programming & engineering (lame but more chill than stripping for old men/women ). Enjoy the time you have to set your standards and don’t settle for anyone who can’t be your best friend…they better like you for more than your hotness because someday you’ll both be old, ugly, but having the best conversations of your life sitting on a park bench somewhere feeding birds.

Hi Steve, WOW its really nice to hear a man tell the truth! Us women go thru the same thing you know. You just get to a point where you want more; more from a relationship, more from life…the games get old fast. You know you’ve had enough when you stop looking or would rather just ‘lay low’…a quiet place and a real conversation…man that would be nice. I have to admit it makes me smile to hear a guy say he isn’t necessarily interested in a ho…a lot of men don’t talk to ‘normal’ everyday ladies because we aren’t ho’s…so it gives us hope to know nice, smart, sexy inside & out men do exist : )
Thanks for keeping it real and don’t EVER change!

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who matter don’t mind, and those that mind, don’t matter.”

HI MR STEVE KIM JUST LEAVING A COMMENT TO LET YA KNOW I AM AVAILABLE LOL AN I GET WHAT YOUR SAYING BUT I DON;T JUST SEE YOU AS A SEX TOY YOU REALLY ARE AMAZING AN ANY WOMEN IS DAM LUCKY TO BE ON YOUR ARM JUST WISH THAT WAS ME KISSES TO YA MY HERO!!!1

I hear you Steve. It’s kinda funny to see your site now and to look at the videos you’ve posted here… I feel lucky to have meet you before all this happened in your life. You are really truly a genuine guy who loves the simple things in life. Now, people who meet you probably can’t get past the glamour of your body and lifestyle and that is such a shame. I remember the “nerdy” dude who passed the football back and forth out in the parking lot during our “brainstorming” meetings at work… I am glad to see you’ve done well, though!! I can feel your frustration with the relationship dilemas. Hang in there, stick close to good friends and family and when the time is right, the right one will sweep you off your feet – it happened to me!!

Stop Whining! OMG! I’m a really big fan of yours but it’s kind of irritating to hear you whine about relationships. Dude, think of the target market in the line of work you do. Add to it that Vegas is THE adult fantasy land…who the hell goes there seeking a long-term, serious relationship? I seriously think YOU are a contradiction. And I’m willing to bet that until you are done “dancing”, you will never find what you’re looking for. Wanna know why? Cuz an honest, hardworking, respectable, marriage-material lady would never allow you in her life knowing that there is nothing sacred about you since you share it with the 100s of girls that come see you. Think of the familial and moral values of the girl that you want in your life. If you are seeking what most seek in love, then you’re going to have to make a sacrifice. I see a double standard here- that you are able to call girls “ho’s” for dressing provocatively; and although you are a paid entertainer, you’re really no different than the girls you put down. It’s not their fault; they’re in Vegas to have fun! Not saying this to be mean, but it’s the truth, and I’m not going to sugarcoat to spare you- I wouldn’t be doing you any favors. Just being sincere….good luck with what you decide to do!

wow, okay this comment was something else.. had to think before i could respond! first of all, you call me contradiction.. you say that an honest, hard working, respectable women would never want to be with me b/c I “share” something sacred with 100′s of girls that come and see me perform. my response is that everyone lives a different life and being a dancer doesn’t make me less than any other person, whether you’re a dentist or a drug dealer, a priest or a pimp.. who are you to judge me unless you know me? and i’m not sharing anything more than my love to dance and to provide entertainment.. it’s exciting to see people get excited, emotional, have a great time, and all because of the creativity and energy i put in my dance. what’s sacred is SEX and i’m not having that with 100′s of women every day!! and another thing, I don’t call girl’s “ho’s” for dressing sexy.. it’s more if they ACT like a ho and we know how that is.. i have no problem with how someone looks on the outside, it’s how they are on the inside. right now, i don’t have a lot of options for making bread.. my businesses are growing but they need funding so i dance to support that and put food on my table. if a girl wants to judge me b/c of my job and not take the TIME to get to know me, then fuck em! cuz i don’t need to waste time with people like that.. I know who I am and what I’m about. I go home after work, feed my dogs, take a shower and go to bed. Then I work my businesses all day before I head back to work. Life’s simple. I’m happy when my family and friends are happy. and I will work my ass off, and shake my ass, and do whatever it takes to one day be able to retire all of my family. if a girl can’t see what i’m about, then it’s their LOSS. I know my worth. and one last thing.. i don’t go looking for girlfriends just where i work at or at the clubs, it just happens to be where i meet people the most. and people who visit vegas aren’t always just about sinning. I’m willing to give anyone a chance.

@Steve

WOW what a story
I love you (as a good friend)for who you are and not for what kind of job you have
Hugs,Blacky

Hm. Are you trying to be financially sufficient and allow your family to retire solely via your businesses? To be honest, I have no clue how much entertainers make in Vegas after taxes and cost of living is taken into account. It could be very little or it could be an overwhelming amount, for all I know. Is it more than what you did before? Weren’t you in programming before? If it is less, then is this a compromise between sustainable income and your love for dancing? (No, I do not truly expect you to answer, since these are personal questions.) If the income derived from being an entertainer easily exceeds that of a programmer, then I suspect you are merely attempting to overcome inertia and gain enough momentum to achieve retirement for your family via your businesses… (sorry, I am just rambling here). I am also slightly amused that the woman(?) you were responding to above believes an honest, hardworking, respectable, marriage-material lady would not see from your point of view (as opposed to hers).

My philosophy teacher in Harvard once taught us that the truth is always sweet, and is only harsh or bitter when there is something truth about it that you haven’t overcome or come to terms with. But the moment in which you fully accept ‘what is’ is always one of joy, lightness, and sweet laughter.

I know lately, you’ve been going through a dark night of the soul, a time of extreme loneliness, questioning, and soul-searching. It’s not the same as a depression; a depression is paralyzing, destructive, and implosive. A dark night of the soul is something else. Unlike a depression, you are still fully functional, and on the outside, everything seems fine and dandy. But on the inside, it’s the darkest time of night, and you’re floating all alone on an empty ocean, not knowing where you’re going. All the things that used to give your life joy and meaning suddenly seem pointless. A dark night of the soul cannot be cured by drugs or therapy, because it is an existential dilemma. The only way to end it is to go through, and wait for the dawn. There is no rational way to describe the experience, and you will find that the only way to speak of it is through metaphors(as it is a sort of metaphysical angst after all).

But after the dark night comes the discovery of ‘what is’, a moment of inner peace and joy. Here are some of my recent ‘what is’ moments, bitter pills I had to swallow that turned out to have a sweet after-effect.

1)life will always be tough

Despite having to face constant discomfort, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alive. My eyes are open, my mind is operating, and my feet are raring to take me places. I also feel very confident with the things I know how to do, neither overestimating or underestimating myself. In the words of Edie Brickell, “I know what I know, if you know what I mean”.

I’ve learned that the challenges that you should always consider accepting are the ones that you don’t have to. The knowledge that I can, and the confidence that I can face the unknown.

I’ve learned that conquering fears is like a muscle that grow weaker when you don’t challenge it for a long time.

2) nothing lasts

There is nothing more tragic than a person who knows exactly what he has to do to break free from a state of misery, but chooses not to. After all, if there is one thing scarier than failure, it’s succeeding; because then things will have to change. Better comforting familiarity of misery than the unknown. Better the preoccupation of misery than the terrifying emptiness of starting over.

Having been forced to let go of my entire life has made me learn that life never stays empty for long. There are so many new things just raring to come into your life as soon as you make space for them by throwing out all the old junk you’ve been holding on to. My father once told me that as a rule of nature, a void cannot exist as the environment around it will always rush in to fill it. He said that the same holds true for life. Always, there will be something more. Always.

Which brings me to the next thing I’ve learned: love and attachment are two completely different things. The things we attach ourselves to like relationships and ways of living, are all the things that expire and become unnecessary baggage if we hold on to them past their expiration date. This is not to say that the way we value the people we love has an expiration, but the type of relationship we have with them does.

Relationships have to grow and evolve. Attachment can hinder you, but love does the opposite. You will discover a new level of love, greater than you ever imagined in the past, for the people you leave behind once you discover that you can live without them (even though you never thought you could). Not everyone is given the chance to learn this great lesson.

3) you’re alone in this world

To grow up is to come to the most bitter realization that you are completely alone. Your parents, friends, and significant other are there when they’re there, but in the end, you go through life alone. Nobody can save you. Letting go of this notion of security that you’ve fed on all your life is as slow and painful as drug detox.

But once you’ve swallowed the bitter pill comes the ‘what is’ moment: your life is your own, and yours alone. You can feel it, touch it, hold it in your hands.

This, of course, is a precursor the other things:

1)Nobody can make decisions for you anymore. And once you start making important decisions, you are bound to disappoint others, even the people you love the most. In fact, the more important the decision, the more people you will disappoint.

And it’s okay. They’ll get over it.

2)Since you alone are responsible for yourself, you cannot afford to fall apart and let yourself spiral into an emotional, depressive mess. Got the blues? Deal with it. Or take it for what it is: just the blues. It will pass. In the meantime, the world cannot stop for you. So get up and start walking.

3)The image you painstakingly maintained during your wild, glamorous, younger years is going to die.

None of that matters when you have to decide what you want to do with your life. Growing up is to let go of your “image”, even if it means becoming one of those boring adults you swore you’d never be. Of course, you aren’t really boring. Just on the outside, maybe :-p Whatever, the point is, you can’t be a kid forever. Or at least not all the time.

(You’d be surprised, I’ve met people way, way older than me still holding on to their teenage image, in a constricting way. I think it’s a passive-aggressive refusal to grow up.)

<3

i made twice as much as a programmer than an entertainer, but i work a fourth of the time as an entertainer so maybe it comes out more per hour as an entertainer. the most i made as a programmer was $150k/year. Those were the good ol’ days! lol

Hi Steve! I have to agree with you about the people that you encounter at the clubs. I, myself am not a clubber. I never have been since I turned 21 (which has been a couple of years now). Don’t get me wrong, I’ll hit up a club once in a blue moon, but mainly with family. It was just never my thing and I’ve always been very tight-knit with hanging out with cousins. But when I do go to a club, I see exactly what you mentioned… girls dressing up in their low cut, short dresses, talking all loud trying to draw attention to themselves. I think it’s quite annoying to see girls with no self-respect and are pretty much advertising that they’re easy. I have friends that are like that and that’s why I always turn friends down when it comes to going out. Then I see the guys trying to act all hard, like they got game. Most of them put up a front, because they really don’t have anything to offer.

As for coming across someone of the opposite sex that you want to bring home to meet the parents… you most likely won’t find one, especially if it’s someone you meet at the club. A couple of my cousins and I have actually talked about this topic and all agreed that if you’re looking for someone to get in a relationship with, don’t go looking for someone at the club. The people at the club are usually the ones that just want to have fun. They’re not looking to settle down.

I have high hopes for you Steve. You seem to know what you’re looking for and I believe you will find “Mrs. Right” someday. But right now, you’re just not looking in the right place. And for all you know, the right one for you could be right in front of your face and you don’t even know it.

Good luck Steve! I wish you well!

@Steve

Hi Steve,
I’m sorry if it came off as if I was passing judgment on you. I’m not. But I follow your blogs and it’s very…contradicting. That’s all. I don’t know you, but I don’t have to know you to understand what it is that you are looking for in love. That’s a fact. There may be slight deviations, but the fundamentals are the same between everyone.
From where you stand, you may seem like a normal guy. But from where I stand, you’re not. It’s all about perception, and I think that how you see yourself and how others see you may not be the same. True, underneath it all we all have our true selves, but how does someone get past the surface? Sometimes what we see on the outside discourages us from finding out what’s on the inside. After all, first impressions do linger awhile.
I agree with keeping life simple. You do what you do for the world, go home and then you do what you do for yourself. You don’t have to preach to me about how you dance to support your other endeavors- I don’t dance but I do consulting on the side to support my other passion, TAXES. (No joke). You have your thing and everyone else will have theirs, but at the end of the day, we’re all rats in the same race.
You said it yourself; it takes time to get to know someone. So don’t limit yourself already by brushing off girls who seem to be judging you. The burden of proof is on you, my friend, to show the good girls there’s more to you than meets the eye, which holds true for a lot of people out there. But you can’t be mad if some girl out there that is genuinely interested in you does her research and forms an opinion about you based on what she sees and hears. Again, that’s the first step in getting to know anyone, right? Every friend starts as a stranger.
I’m sure there are a lot of great girls & guys in Vegas…but the odds are stacked against you because you’re competiting in a pool (other men) for a limited resource (“good girls”). I’m not generalizing when I say that Vegas is an adult fantasyland. You can’t deny the fact that Vegas was put on the map because people go there for a good time, and right now you’re part of the “good time” facade. Again, that’s not judgment. It’s a fact.
I know that love hits anytime, anywhere. But you can’t tell me that there isn’t a difference between Vegas girls and let’s say, Oregon girls. The values are different. Even in California, I can tell the difference between people in different areas of the same city! It’s all about knowing what’s really right for you (and not just strictly what you want).
And by the way, what I said about how you share something sacred with 100s of women every night? I wasn’t referring to SEX. I was referring to time, intimacy, access, privacy…all the things that you can’t turn back or replace. I know it’s part of the gig, but personally, I wouldn’t want to have to “share” my man with anyone or anything. It’s a job and I’d understand and I’d accept it, but deep down I’d kinda resent you for it.
This is just my two cents; take it for what it’s worth. I’m not here to be hurtful; just trying to get you to see things from a different perspective, if it helps. Good luck!

J…

WOW… I took in your statement since I too am going through my dark times. I am struggling to get to the ‘what is’ state, and trying to learn how to overcome my “inner demon”. I do hope I get there soon for I truly know I need to get to my true self… and be content with her and love her just as much as I love and admire everyone around me. This is my biggest flaw for I need to learn how to admire myself. then things can fit into place… It is a struggle, and I am being tested at every step of the way… I just hope I am passing each test that comes my way and able to inspire others to do the same as I go… this latest test was a doozy, and I hope I come back to the track I was on before it popped onto my path.. Just wish I was aware of it before I made the mistake of caring too much happened…

I hope I get there soon… and I hope to get to Vegas soon, perhaps from there I’ll move on to California or where ever this path leads me. That is the one gift I was fortunate enough to learn. I adapt to wherever I am at, Mother Earth is my home and as long as I have a pillow and formidable roof over my head I am able to be or go anywhere.

Sorry Steve for writing on your comment area for J. but I like what she/he wrote. Gave a new perspective on something I believe I’ve been trying to define.

Michele

I’m super impressed by this. I completely agree with you, and feel like I will never find Mr. Right in Vegas. All the guys out here seem like they only want to get laid, or those are aren’t like that, just don’t have their act together.

It’s sooo hard to find a decent guy who has his head on straight, has goals and actually follows them, and wants a real woman. Guys claim they want that, but then when they meet a real woman who knows what she wants, they have no clue what to do with her and end up running for the hills. I could write soooo much on this.

I decided to give up on looking for Mr. Right and focus on me being happy in myself, and on getting my goals done. I am working so hard to get into the PhD program at UNLV, so I don’t have time for people who can’t be real with me and waste my emotional energy.

It’s really awesome how you say that you expect a lot out of a relationship so it better be worth it if you’re going to put all your time into it. I expect the best because I give the best. People just don’t get that. You have to have standards, and there’s nothing wrong with expecting someone to give you their best when you know that’s what you give someone else. And if you’re going to share your inner most being with them, why not expect the best? What most people don’t get, is expect the best doesn’t mean expecting perfection. There is a huge difference between best and perfect.

I feel ya, it’s just so shocking to hear this coming from a guy in this particular profession. It’s very refreshing though.

I know what you mean. I live in cali, the guys almost of the guys here are dicks. They just want to get in my pants or party every night. Im 25 have no kids, dont get me wrong I like to live life to the fullest but dirinking and wearing ho outfits everynight, is not my way of fun. I like to look hot, but not like a ho. I do drink not everynight. I have no time for games, friends frist is so much better. Vegas is just another place, to tell you the truth I only went to one guy show yeah the some of the guys are hot and are good at what they do, but Im not that in to that. Im tried of guys just wanting to talk to me just so they can get some when they call. So I know how you feel. One day you will meet Mrs right and I will meet Mr right one day.

Couldn’t help but read up on you….there was some curiosity after the show in Vegas.
I like that you come right out and say it how it is. I hope you find “her” someday. You certainly deserve a good…and “real” girl. I wouldn’t think Vegas to be the place though. It was fun for me while it lasted, but definitely not my game. Living life and having fun doesn’t mean you have to compromise your values. Remember to never lose sight…it’s hard in our world and takes a lot of inner strength to stay focused, but in doing so you find peace and happiness. I wish all of that for you.

Was nice meeting you last week.
Jen (Florida)

It’s nice to hear that not all the hot entertainers in Vegas are only looking for hot and easy girls to sleep with. Mrs. Right is out there somewhere but most of them are not in Vegas and if they are, they’re just there for the weekend. You got to look elsewhere.

think your right vegas isnt the place for finding a woman who loves you for what you are. lots of woman would like to be walking next to guy thats famous and sexy and so they will be in the spotlights too. i bet veags is full off self centered fake woman or wana be models who will hit on guys like you. i am glad to read your a down to earth guy and you dont get carried away in this fake world. be your self and stay yourself. be single is not so bad you can do whatever you like, okay can be lonely sometimes but on the other hand you can do whatever you like without having to answer to anybody. i dont think your standards are to high you just want to be with the woman who is right for you and yes that make take a while or maybe years but it will be worth it. give love and you will receive it! take care

you deserve the best in life steve,i really hate that u havent found the one yet,but when u do i hope it will take u to that place u want in life.