The Wall

so it’s sunday afternoon and i’m here at the airport waiting for my flight to oregon as i’m going home for xmas.  it’s delayed (surprise surprise!) so i got time to blog..

i had a little revelation recently.  i was thinking about why i would give in to temptation by others to go out so often.  it’s like i still have a hard time saying no and letting people down.  then i dived deeper into what drives me to do things.  at the very end of it all, our decisions are made based on our desires for pleasure or avoidance of pain.

going out is for pleasure.  what’s pleasurable about it?  well, compared to the alternative, a night home alone, going out allows me to experience a social environment and interact with others.  it squashes the lonely feeling and let’s me feel free to experience pleasure, while avoid the pain of reality (which is home alone to think about my problems).

so that leads me to why i stay out when i go out.  i think subconsciously i’m looking for companionship so bad that i hate to leave any that i have.  so if a friend or two want to stay out, i’ll stay out with them.  doesn’t matter how late it is or what i have to do the next day.  i’m only focused on the friendship/companionship i’m experiencing at the time.

so why so needy?  i’m not sure.  i mean, i’m cool alone during the day, i’m busy working and i have my dogs to play with.  i have friends i workout with, i have friends only a phone call away..

maybe i’m just used to having someone at the house all the time.  i moved to vegas and instantly met my first girlfriend who quickly moved in with me.  we lived together for almost three years.  after we broke up, i wasn’t single long when i met my recent ex.  she then ended up moving into my house and we lived together on and off for two years. 

so maybe i’m just not used to being alone.  i love feeling independent, to do whatever you want and not be accountable to anyone.  but at the same time, i love having that one person you can always talk to, joke with, love and support and count on being there when you get home.

so yeah it’s a two way street.  and the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side!  that’s why we have Dr Phil and a bunch of other talk shows trying to figure out why men are from mars and women are from venus.

but i digress    i figure the best thing for me to do in 2009 is find some real healthy hobbies.  find people who like playing basketball (a sport i used to play 3x a day as a kid).  maybe play video games again, though that was once a real addictive (ever hear of “Age of Empires”?  I used to not sleep b/c of that game).

in 2009, i’m looking for friends who don’t go clubbing as they’re only option of having fun.  i want friends who call me up and say “let’s go to the gym”, or “bbq”, or “hit the lake/mountain”, or “lets go watch a movie/show”, or “guitar hero at our house”.
anything but “i’m at a sick party bro, get your ass over here”.

i don’t need to go to another party, i’ve been to ENOUGH.  i’ve lived the rockstar life and it’s no longer a big deal to me.  vegas is like a candy shop for grown ups.  they got every kind of treat there is and it’s open 24/7.  but most of these treats are bad for you and if you’re not careful, you’ll become diabetic.  okay, i don’t know where i’m going with that but i hope you get what i’m trying to say!

so yeah, i’m treating my body as a temple in 2009 and i’m changing my circle of friends to those who i want to be like.  i’m not ditching old friends but i’m letting them know that i don’t want the nightly phone calls, no more offering me VIP treatment, no more parties period.

sounds boring huh?  Well, 2009 may seem boring from a club party point of view but it’s going to be amazing in terms of improving my quality of life and relationships.  just wait til NYE 2010 and we’ll see!

UPDATE: weather is so bad in Oregon they’ve cancelled my flight and I fly out Tuesday instead..  argh!