The Wall

"Tomorrow is a mystery, yesterday is history. Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present." Kung Fu Panda

So it’s been almost a couple years now that I’ve been single.. longest I’ve been on my own since 2000. I had three girlfriends from 2000 – 2007. So it’s been an adjustment. Why am I telling the world all of this? Who knows.. I feel like blogging so why not. It’s therapy to me so doesn’t matter if people read it or not. This is like a diary and I never thought much of those back in the day. But sometimes I like getting stuff off my chest and later it’s interesting to read what I wrote.

Sooo.. yeah it’s been a couple years of rolling solo. But am I unhappy? Hell no! I’m actually very happy because for the first time, I know what it means to truly love yourself. See, I never loved myself enough in the past and I felt the need to have to have someone else love me in order for me to feel better out myself. The saying “you have to love yourself before you can truly lover someone else” is absolutely true. I feel more ready to be in a relationship and to truly be in love then I ever have! So why am I single? Well for one, I’m super picky about who I give my heart to next. The one who gets it is gonna have to really deserve it. And it’s also because I’ve decided to focus on priorities and those are my family right now. I want to take care of them, help them all out.. they’re going through tough times because of the recession and I feel like the kid in the family who has a shot at truly making a difference. Read more…

Smoke some green or take some mushrooms and watch this video

This one is pretty cool too.. Mary Poppin’s the shit!

It’s funny.. when I was young, I hated having a baby face and people calling me cute.. now it’s paying off.. I stay young looking every year.. to the point I was asked to model for a Disney Fashion Show this summer! lol

Check out the video, try not to laugh when you see me sporting the mickey mouse ears

Want proof that our show has the best dancers of all the male revue’s in Las Vegas? Just check out this clip!

I perform from time to time with the Hollywood Men. Great show, def worth checking out!

What does “spiritual warrior” mean? Well, the tattoo on my back represents that. Although the characters means “inner energy” and “warrior”, i decided to make up my own creation and i gave that combination the name “spiritual warrior”. And what that means is simply I fight with my spirit. I will fight for my family’s survival and I will battle against my own inner demons. My goal is simply peace and happiness. And I will attain that by strengthening my will every day.

You see, I can train at the gym and lift weights and hit bags and spar with people and maybe that will allow me to knock some people out. But my greatest adversary is not someone on this earth.. it’s my own inner demon that lies within myself. Punching out someone takes a few seconds and little energy. To knock out a demon takes a lifetime. And the demon is what really matters. He is what causes me real pain. He is what stops me from reaching my potential. He is what keeps me from truly being happy.

So I begin my path again as a spiritual warrior. I continue where I left off in March. I had started the year on the best note ever. Along the way, I got lost. Forgot the path that I was on and struggled to remember where I had been.

Now I am focused. I had to cleanse myself. I did this by almost killing myself. Don’t worry, I’m not suicidal. But I had to inflict enough pain so I would never ever forget. I now have someone who is providing me with a map. And I have great friends who have come out of nowhere to offer support. I was lost but now I’m found!

If you’re reading this, don’t think I’m saying this as a cry for help or think I was in some deep depression recently. I had my ups and downs as does everyone in life. But it’s time I used this brain to solve these problems in my life. God made me smart but I still make dumb decisions! Now I’m looking to make only good ones.

There may come another 30 day challenge. Maybe I’ll make it longer. Maybe I’ll tell you what the challenge is. Maybe I won’t. I write these thoughts online in my journal because its therapeutic. It helps me remember if I write it down. I often reread my thoughts so I can see where my progress is. And sometimes, you never know if someone reads this and somehow in someway, it ends up helping them too.

My life coach reminds me of what my purpose is every day with random text messages. I appreciate them Marty! What I want to do is help others in life. That’s who I am. That’s who I’ll always be. But I have to help myself first. Once I’ve figured that out, I’ll be sure to post the answers.

Enough typing, eyes getting tired from staring at screen. Peace love and happiness!

yo check out this clip!